M is for Many Things I Hate

m-is-for-many-things-i-hate

You should probably know that from here on in, Keira’s suggestions for titles become increasingly tenuous. Seriously Keira, ‘Many things I hate’? That’s cheating. But here we go…

  • I hate when guys try to make conversation at the urinal. You’re drunk, I know, I’m a little tipsy myself. But you will notice that we are standing in front of a trough, cocks in hand, urinating. It may be different in gay saunas, but here, in the men’s bathroom of a pub, the fact that I’m holding my cock in my hand is not a signal for you to begin a conversation. Oh great, now I can’t anymore. Thanks.
  • I hate when people use the word ‘gay’ in reference to something that’s shit, lame or disappointing. Even my friends do it and I hate that I don’t have enough courage to call them on it when they do. The word gay shouldn’t be equated with something that is bad. “But Eoghan,” you’ll say, “words change in meaning all the time. When we use it, we don’t mean something is actually ‘homosexual’.” Yes, but before it meant homosexual, it meant ‘happy’ but when you call things gay, you don’t mean they’re happy. It’s use as a pejorative term stems directly from the attitude that homosexuality itself is bad and whether or not you make that link yourself, using the word ‘gay’ in that way perpetuates the attitude. You wouldn’t use the word ‘queer’, why would you use ‘gay’?
  • I hate tabloid newspapers. I hate their subtle relationship to facts, I hate their utterly inconsistent morality; that sickening faux-puritanism on one page and a big pair of tits on the next. I hate the way they call criminals “monsters” and “evil” because it’s easier to think of them in that way rather than maybe confront the fact that they’re just people too and any of us have the potential do what they’ve done.
  • I hate when people use the word ‘frape’. I get that you think it’s like you’re raping your friend’s facebook page, but it’s nothing like rape. The word ‘frape’ is, at best, ignorant of how serious rape is and at worst, dismissive of it. I hate that I can’t think of a better word for it though. While we’re on the subject, I hate most people’s piss-poor attempts at ‘fraping’. Ho ho, you pretended Johnny was gay, how delightfully witty of you, you fucking simpleton. You should be subtle and devious when using a friend’s facebook. Click ‘like’ on pages they’d never dream of liking – like Al Qaeda or Vogue – or try to add the most annoying people you knew from school. Use your imagination!
  • I hate when people make bigoted statements and then say, “Well, I’m entitled to my opinion,” when challenged on them. It’s true, you are entitled to your opinion. But the rest of us are entitled to think you’re a stupid fucking asswipe who is no longer deserving of our attention or respect.
  • I hate Brendan O’Connor. I try not to hate people, especially ones I don’t know, but good god almighty, I hate that guy. I hate his saturday night show, I hate the ads for Mace, I hate his writing and I hated the ‘Life’ magazine in the Sunday Independent before I even knew he was the editor and now I hate it all that bit more. Although, I’m thankful that I was able to amalgamate my hatred of that magazine and that man into one. Perhaps I should be thankful that he streamlines my hatred.
  • I hate broccoli. I just do.

I think that’s enough hate for one night.


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